“Picasso”: A Conversation with Father

Time: 1991
Place: Kyiv
Characters: Fr. Alexander Kaminsky, his son Misha Kaminsky

Father Alexander Kaminsky was racking his brain over how to clearly explain to his son the matter of relations with the opposite sex.

“Just say everything is forbidden? Hugging, kissing, looking. No good. There’s a storm raging inside him right now… no bans will hold him back. But if I let it all go… what if he stumbles? Ruins his life.”

He decided to start with something simple.

“Misha, why don’t you invite Nastya over? We’ll all sit together, have dinner. It’ll be right on Church New Year, September 14.”

Nastya came. They sat, had dinner, chatted about this and that. She was a bit embarrassed, behaved shyly.

When Misha walked her home, she asked:

“Is it really the rule to pray before and after meals?”

“Well, yes.”

“And every single time?”

“Yes.”

“Hm.”

They walked in silence for a few minutes.

“Nastya, did you like it at our place?”

“M-m-m, yes,” she said, not very confidently.

* * *

Father Alexander finally decided to talk with his son. He picked a good moment when they were driving home from church. A little before reaching the house, he stopped the car and began cautiously:

“Well, Mikhail. How are things with Nastya?”

“Oh, nothing special. Fine.”

“And her parents? Don’t they ask why you visit her so often?”

“No, Dad, come on.”

“I’m joking.”

“They treat me fine. Sometimes they even invite me for dinner.”

“And you eat with them?”

“Well, yes.”

“And do you pray before eating?”

Misha blushed and forced out:

“No… Dad, I understand that I should, but…”

Father Alexander laid his hand on Misha’s shoulder.

“I don’t reproach you for it. I just want you to see that when you’re close with non-church people, you’ll always feel embarrassment and pangs of conscience.”

“But really, Dad, what’s the rule? Always pray or…”

“You must remember, Misha, under no circumstances should you deliberately hide your belonging to the Christian faith or, God forbid, deny it. That would be betrayal. As for praying, making the sign of the cross… you need to look at the circumstances, at the people’s disposition. If you feel that your prayer will benefit them, then pray. But if you see it might push them away, if they’re not ready for church practices yet, then you can pray silently in your mind. And besides, you were a guest. It is the host who prays and blesses the food, and if he doesn’t, then… you know the saying: don’t bring your own rules into someone else’s monastery.”

They fell silent. A light drizzle began to fall.

“But that’s not really what I wanted to talk to you about.”

Misha tensed inside.

“Your mother and I don’t mind your relationship with Nastya. Of course, we’d prefer her to be a church-going girl, but that’s… well, anyway, not the point now,” Father was visibly nervous. “You see… I just want to warn you so that your relationship doesn’t go too far. You understand me?”

Misha blushed again and swallowed.

“Yes.”

“And it might happen before you even notice. And fornication… fornication is a mortal sin, you know that well. And a mortal sin is betrayal of the One who gave His life for you on the Cross. Do you remember when you once came to me and said that God exists?”

“I remember.”

“Well, now your first real trial is beginning. You must prove your faithfulness to Him with deeds. The physical union of man and woman is the beautiful crown of their love and devotion to one another. It is not something shameful or dirty. But this union is only possible in marriage. Everything else is fornication, no matter how people try to justify it – with love, or anything else. And it’s very good when both the young man and the young woman understand this.”

Misha nodded. The rain grew a little heavier, the car windows began to fog up.

“But judging by the fact that Nastya is not a church person, she may not understand this, or may see it as some kind of prejudice. So you two may face an awkward situation because of it… hurt feelings, misunderstandings. It would be good if you could explain it to her somehow, very delicately.”

Misha blushed even deeper.

“Honestly, I can’t even imagine how you’d do that, but… There’s one more thing I want to tell you. Right now, we’re speaking the right words, you’re reading the right spiritual books, you agree with everything. Inside, you’re resolved to live accordingly. But there may come moments when the desire for carnal love in you will be so strong, so unstoppable, that you won’t think or remember any of this. Only God can save you then. That’s why the Apostle Paul said: ‘Flee fornication.’ Meaning – don’t put yourself into situations where the only thing ruling you will be the uncontrollable urge to satisfy lust. So you must avoid being alone with Nastya. Do you understand?”

Misha nodded and thought:

“But that’s exactly what we want. So that no one interferes. And we’re not even doing anything.”

“If it is meant for you to become husband and wife,” Father continued, “then all of this will come. It will. But now… I understand how hard it is at your age to deal with bodily… well, how to say… urges, desires… lust, in a word. So don’t inflame yourself even more. I know that today everyone around is kissing, hugging – it’s considered normal. But at the very least, you mustn’t let yourself touch her breasts, her legs… you understand. Realize this: one must enter marriage chaste, pure, free of premarital ties. Chastity and virginity are very important, equally for a young man and for a girl. And to preserve chastity in this depraved world, you must, first of all, firmly resolve to do so, and second, pray to God and to saints who have the grace to help in such situations. Mary of Egypt – you know her life…”

“Yes.”

“And in the Kyiv Pechersk Lavra… saints close to us. Venerable Moses the Hungarian and John the Much-Suffering. They rest in the Near Caves, opposite each other. Go to them, pray, ask for help. But also strive yourself.”

Father Alexander paused.

“Misha, I want so much for you to be happy. Simply, humanly happy. And believe me, without a good, strong, loving family, that’s impossible. Well, unless one chooses monasticism. But if you stumble… well, let’s not even speak of it.” Father started the car and looked at Misha. “I trust you, my son, but I worry about you greatly.”

To be continued…

The previous episode of the book is available here.