Saint Xenia: A love story that will change your perception of fidelity

In our time, people talk a lot and beautifully about love. In movies, books, social networks – everywhere they say that "love forgives everything", that "everything is allowed in love", that you need to "take everything from life". But the story of Blessed Xenia of St. Petersburg turns these notions upside down. Because her life is a story not about permissiveness, but about true fidelity. Moreover, it is a story of love that knows no compromises.

Love is stronger than death

Imagine a young woman of 26 years. Beautiful, from a good family, married to a court singer – in short, as we would say now, life was successful. But one day everything collapses: her husband suddenly dies. What would most people do in her place? Well, they would grieve and cry. But then gradually start life anew, and maybe even remarry. After all, she is only 26 years old...

But Xenia acted completely differently. She decided to dedicate her entire remaining life to praying for the soul of her deceased husband. She gave away all her property, wore his clothes, and even took his name. People began to call her not Xenia, but Andrei Fyodorovich – the name of her late husband.

Her choice cannot be explained from the perspective of human grief. Because, by and large, she chose a love that does not end with death.

What is foolishness for Christ and why is it needed

Xenia chose a path that in the Church is called "foolishness for Christ's sake". It sounds strange, doesn't it? Let's figure out what it is.

A fool for Christ is a person who voluntarily takes on the image of a mad or foolish person to "shame the wisdom of this world" (1 Cor. 1:27-29) and dedicate their entire life to serving God. A fool for Christ renounces all worldly goods: money, comfort, and most importantly (and for many - terrifying) they renounce the respect of others. Very often, ordinary people consider the fool for Christ to be insane, but in reality, they simply live by completely different laws — not human but divine.

Why did Xenia choose this path? Because in the Orthodox tradition, it is believed that such sacrificial prayer can help the soul of the deceased in the afterlife. Especially if the person died suddenly, without repentance.

45 years of feat

Forty-five years! Almost half a century Xenia lived as a beggar, wandered the streets of Petersburg, endured ridicule, cold, and hunger. Forty-five years for the sake of love for a person who is no longer around. Isn't this a true feat?

Yes, it is difficult for a modern person to understand this. We are used to thinking that love is about pleasure, happiness and things that make our life better. But here a woman consciously chooses suffering. Why?

The answer is simple: because her love was true, that is, directed not at herself, but at another person. Her love is not about "what I can get", but "what I can give". It's not about "how I can become happy", but "how I can help my beloved".

Love as a feat

In our world, the word "feat" is associated with war, sports, heroic deeds, etc. But Xenia showed that love can also be a feat. Waking up every day and going to pray for the soul of the deceased husband is also a feat. And a much more difficult one than a one-time heroic act. Often, it is easier for us to throw ourselves on the embrasure than to open our hearts to daily prayer.

Asceticism – this is what such a life is called in the Church – is not self-torture and masochism. It is a way of life that a person consciously chooses. In fact, it is a very, very difficult path, but... undertaken for a high purpose. Just as an athlete endures pain in training for the sake of a medal, so does the ascetic endure. But they endure not for the sake of a medal but for the salvation of the soul.

What this means for us

Some may think that the story of St. Xenia of Petersburg is something from the distant past that has nothing to do with us. But this is not the case.

Today we live in an era that sociologists call "liquid love" (a term by philosopher Zygmunt Bauman). This means that relationships have become like water. In other words, they appear very easily and disappear just as easily. Met, liked each other, lived together, disliked, parted. And so on in a circle. An infinite number of times.

But St. Xenia offers a completely different model of life, in which love is not water but stone, not a temporary state but constancy and fidelity. For St. Xenia, as for the Church as a whole, love is the willingness to sacrifice oneself for another.

Of course, this does not mean that everyone needs to become fools for Christ. But it means that true love requires something more from us than just pleasant emotions and "like - dislike" relation.

Revolution of the heart

Essentially, Saint Xenia offers, in a way, a revolution in relationships because in a world where divorce has become the norm, where infidelity is justified by "finding oneself", where "open relationships" are considered progressive, Blessed Xenia looks like a true revolutionary. She breaks the system of ordinary notions of love and shows what true love can really do.

The 45-year feat of St. Xenia is not madness, no. It is, in fact, the highest form of reason. But not the wisdom of the head but rather the wisdom of the heart, which understands what the simple, "worldly" mind does not: love is stronger than death, and faithfulness is more precious than comfort. Blessed Xenia tells us all that sacrifice for the sake of a loved one is not a loss but a gain.

Why we need to know this

Someone may say: "So what? There was such a saint, prayed for her husband – and what do I get from that?"

Here's what. St. Xenia shows us what love can be. Not that Instagram love with beautiful, photoshopped pictures and romantic dinners and all these "mi-mi-mi" things. No. She shows us what true love can be. This love does not depend on mood, circumstances, or even whether the beloved person is alive or not.

She shows that a person is capable of much more than we think. She shows that we can love not only when it is beneficial or pleasant for us but also when it is difficult.

And most importantly – the example of Blessed Xenia shows that such love makes a person not unhappy, but holy. It does not make them someone broken under the pressure of circumstances or the weight of grief but it makes them incredibly strong. That is precisely why Xenia is remarkable because she was able to turn a personal tragedy into a feat of love.

Modern saints

By the way, there are many similar examples in our time. Husbands who care for paralyzed wives or wives who do not abandon alcoholic husbands. Or parents who care for disabled children all their lives. And also children who do not send sick parents to nursing homes but care for them until the day they leave this earth.

It can be confidently stated that all these people make the same choice as Xenia: they choose love-sacrifice instead of love-selfishness. And although they are not canonized as saints, their feat is certainly no less.

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The story of St. Xenia is a reminder that love can be not only a source of happiness but also a source of strength. The strength that makes a person capable of a feat. The strength for fidelity. The strength to remain human even in the most inhuman circumstances.

In the service for Blessed Xenia, there are such words: "By seeming madness, you exposed the madness of the world." That is, by her apparent madness, she showed that it is our world that is truly mad, with all its "gadgets" and "quirks" that have turned love into entertainment, and fidelity into some medieval, unnecessary anachronism.

And maybe it's time for each of us to think about what my love is capable of? Only beautiful words and pleasant emotions? Or something more?

St. Xenia knew the answer to this question. And for 45 years of her life, she proved it daily.