Theology is a trap for the ignorant
Thoughts inspired by reading the Canon of St Andrew of Crete.
In the church, it is dimly lit, with candles flickering like twinkling stars. The choir is singing the Irmoi of the Great Canon quietly and prayerfully. St Andrew of Crete described the entire history of mankind into the pattern of words, from its beginning to its very end. At the centre of this history stands the Cross of the Lord. My personal life passes before my inner vision passes, from its very beginning to the grey-haired old age…
Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me. “Where shall I begin to lament the deeds of my wretched life? How shall I begin, O Christ, to relieve my present tears?”
How good it was with You, Lord, in the years of my carefree childhood. It was a time when I could live only in the present and feared nothing for the future. How many fruits of ripened, mature joy surrounded me then! How much sunlight, light, peace, and endless bliss there was in my heart. And the future... it also seemed to be a continuation of this joy. Something new, interesting, and captivating was to come. Life was an unbroken paradise.
But now I look back and see a door with the words: “My Childhood.” It has a heavy lock and a sign that says: “No Entry for Adults.” I feel with my heart that somewhere there must be a key to this lock. It is called – the grace of God.
Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me. “I have stained the garment of my flesh and have defiled that which was made in Thine image and likeness, O Savior.”
Where am I, Lord? Who am I? I see in myself something that does not belong to this time. Something that has no connection to anything earthly. From some unknown depth, it speaks to me: “It doesn’t matter what happens to you in time. What matters is how tightly you hold on to God. Whether you lose Him in this or that situation in life.”
My eyes have been blinded, Lord. I know, I feel that there is a sea of light around me, but I cannot see it. Somewhere here, very close, lives my never-fading, joyful, bright childhood. Its name is Jesus Christ.
God, how much time, strength, and energy I have spent on what is called “theology”. This trap for the ignorant, this showiness for the selfish mind, this dream in the summer night for spiritual infants. I renounce, O God, my deceitful mind and embrace Your grace with an open heart. I believe, Lord, help my unbelief.
Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me. “Thou art my sweet Jesus, Thou art my Creator, and in Thee shall I be justified, O Savior.”
He who is solely occupied with the struggle against hell will himself eventually become a demon. But if you find true love, you will not only save yourself from hell but also be united with the Lord Jesus Christ.
Woe to the wise and the rich! It is hard for them to enter the Kingdom of Heaven, for behind wisdom and wealth always lurk vanity and pride. The humble and meek are wise with wisdom not of this world, for such wisdom is always full of Divine mercy and grace. Why does my spirit still not awaken? Why is it still asleep? Perhaps it is because I sought God outside, in books and the reflections of the mind, instead of finding Him in the deep, silent, spiritual experience of Christ’s grace.
Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me. “The end draws near, O my soul, the end draws near…”
Happiness is the refusal of selfishness and living in the joy of Christ. Our soul exists forever, but the world does not. God closes before us all cracks and loopholes so that we may finally enter the gates of our heart. The body, mind, and thoughts are part of the world. All our experiences are also part of it. And they are all doomed to disappear. Only my spirit is not of this world.
Nothing exists by itself. If I see something separated from God and living independently of His Providence, it is merely an illusion of my mind. My experiences only draw me into suffering and strengthen my bondage to this world.
Grant me, O Lord, by Your mercy the grace of apatheia, so that I may know the Truth, and it will free me. The world, and my very body, my mind, and my thoughts, remain outside me. All my experiences are things that I can observe from the outside, without applying my spirit to them, and without immersing my heart in them.
Our goal is freedom in Christ. Our home is the eternal dwellings of God. Our homeland is heaven.
Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me. “The whole of my life has passed by in the night, for the darkness of sin has covered me like a thick fog in the middle of the night.”
When, O Lord, will I be saved?
When you are tired of this world. When you are completely weary of this body. When you realise that the mind is your enemy.
As long as you are enamoured with the world, forgetting God, happiness slips away from you. Your efforts mean nothing, yet they are impossible to avoid. Grace comes when God Himself blesses you and leads you to the light of salvation. All that you call “the world” is just the fruit of your imagination.
What is paradise? Peace in the heart, rest in the mind, grace in the spirit. By attaining all of this, you fill yourself with love and tranquility. God only begins to care for your needs when you begin to care for your salvation – remember this.
Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me. “I offer to Thee in purity the tears of mine eyes and the sighs from the depth of my heart, which cries: I have sinned against Thee, O God, have mercy on me.”
We can measure the extent of our selfishness by our level of irritability. Life consists precisely in losing everything. The loss of everything, even our own body, is the final humility. He who has done this voluntarily, renouncing everything in the mind, will enter the Kingdom of God without hindrance, saying: “Not my will, but Thy will be done, O Lord!”
When we diminish our “I”, God begins to dwell in us. When our “I” grows, God disappears from within us. When we reduce our false brilliance, God gives us His light, and vice versa. When we erase ourselves to dust, God restores us in His glory.
Salvation is not in prayer, but in the Truth. The Truth is God Himself, and prayer is only the path to God, not the end goal. God is within us, and our prayer must lead us there as well. When you know the Truth, you will no longer need prayer. You will never know God from the outside. You can only know Him from within yourself. Christ is within us. God does not come from the outside.
Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me. “I have sinned, I have transgressed, and I have rejected Thy commandments.”
Tomorrow will never come. Everything happens right now. Therefore, “now” is another name for eternity.
What have I been doing all these years? Imitating Christianity! This imitation has many names: “eparchial events”, “matinees”, “public lectures and speeches”, “scientific-theological work”, “scientific-methodical work”, “bike, motorcycle, car and other runs in honour of a saint or holiday.” And there’s more. We did all of this to fill the inner emptiness with external hustle. But it never filled, because only the Grace of God can fill it. And that grace is not found in senseless bustle, but in the inner silence of unity with Christ.
Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me. “I have sinned, O Savior, have mercy on me. Awaken my mind to conversion, accept my repentance.”
What is selfishness? It is the destructive energy of the sinful mind, gathering into a dense knot of passions in the area of the physical heart. This energy begins to control all the actions of its victim, draining their strength until it eventually kills them. Therefore, selfishness is deadly dangerous for a person.
Trust in God in everything, and God will do everything in due time. Just return to God, return to Him in your spiritual heart and remain there unceasingly.
It is not the circumstance that is frightening, but how it is painted for us by the deceitful, selfish mind. Remove selfishness, and fear will disappear with it. Observe, and you will see that your spirit fears nothing. Your consciousness has no fear. All your fear is rooted in the mind, and the mind is a lie. Throw away the mind—and the lie will disappear with it. Then you will find yourself in God, and God within you. And around you will be only God. And there will be no fear anywhere. And you will say with great love: “Glory to You, Lord Jesus Christ, our God, glory to You!” Then you will know the Truth, and the Truth will make you free.
Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me. “My mind is wounded, my body is feeble, my spirit is sick, my speech has lost its power, my life is ebbing, and the end is at the door.”
Inside yourself, you will never find anything that is outside. You cannot find anything outside that is inside. So, look and act in this way. This is wisdom. The fact that your body will one day become dust kills all vanity. The fact that your spirit is eternal and immortal in Christ destroys all selfishness. Internally, be infinity, and externally, as inconspicuous as a fine hair lying on the ground.
“Oh, if only I could embrace God, press close to Him, and become silent in Him, forgetting everything in the world. Give me, O God, new eyes, so that through the dark veil of this world, I may see another world, full of light, joy, and salvation!”
