How to heal the bleeding soul
Sunday Sermon.
Every event in the Gospel story is a part of the biography of our own soul. The healing of the bleeding woman by the Savior is no exception. Our soul bleeds, lacking the plaster of grace. It seeks healing in various places, trying to stop the painful flow, trying all sorts of remedies. We have spent all the wealth of our soul on these "doctors", who promised healing but gave us nothing in return. There is only one true remedy – Christ. But the trouble is, we often do not even want to touch Him.
We talk about Christ instead of talking with Him. We think of Christ as someone living far away in Heaven instead of seeking Him in the depths of our hearts. We read about Christ and invent a false image of Him based on our own interpretations, instead of letting Him reveal Himself to us. We try to save ourselves based on what we've read rather than allowing Christ Himself to save us.
To meet the Living Christ within ourselves, we must move aside the one who blocks Him from us – our own egoism, with all our thoughts, feelings, desires, etc.
If God is not in first place for us, everything else will be meaningless. To experience feelings and thoughts about God is one thing; to experience God and live with God is something completely different. In the first case, we remain slaves to our own ideas, but in the second, we become heirs to the Kingdom of God. The more we cling to earthly life, the more coarse and burdensome it becomes. The more we give ourselves to God, the less earthly distractions bind us, and the closer and more intimate God becomes. This will continue until we realize that He is the most beloved Being in the universe. When we understand this, the world around us stops holding us, for it cannot bind free people who live with God and in God.
We often try to act bravely in the battle against evil. We see the enemy, arm ourselves, prepare for the struggle, roll up our sleeves, and tense our muscles. But sometimes we overestimate our strength. This is not surprising, as the enemy is a hundred times stronger than we are.
Anyone who relies on their own faith, spiritual experience, ability to fight evil, and character strength has already been defeated by the spirit of pride and self-importance.
Only after many falls and defeats will the ascetic come to one simple and obvious conclusion – without God and His Grace, he is nothing. No matter what he does or how hard he tries, even the smallest and most insignificant demon can do anything to him.
Having understood this, we acquire wisdom. Upon seeing the enemy from afar, we do not rush to fight but run as fast as we can to God and hide behind Him, like a child behind his mother's skirt. “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.” Such a Christian weeps and groans, stretching out his hands to God. He prays for God to protect and shield him. We do not fight against sin; we ignore it – wise elders teach us. This tactic can nourish our soul.
Certainly, there may still be spiritual giants in the world like St. Joseph the Hesychast and others, those who are able to battle evil themselves, but most of us who read these words are not among them.
For us, the only way of salvation is to climb into the arms of Christ. Though this is also not easy, for it requires us to renounce our egoism.
Unfortunately, instead of believing in the Truth, we believe in our own knowledge, strength and in ourselves. The devil has devised a cunning trick to keep us from Christ. He has planted in our minds the illusion of "many things", instilling their "spiritual" importance, necessity and usefulness.
We find a thousand reasons to delay our spiritual practice. Not understanding what it truly is, we replace it with candles, “attending” services, pilgrimages, reading Orthodox stories and listening to theologians' lectures and sermons. To fill the inner emptiness, we can engage in "soul-saving" busyness. But this has nothing to do with the salvation of the soul.
Our minds are cluttered with quotes from the Church Fathers, fragments of knowledge from Sacred Scripture and theological sciences, but in all this, we cannot find Christ. We should remember that the main value of Orthodoxy is love for God and for our neighbours. The main condition of Orthodoxy is to disregard our own happiness for the sake of others’ happiness. If we give our happiness to others, taking on their sufferings in exchange, following Christ – that is Orthodoxy.
The main saving principle of Orthodoxy is renouncing ourselves in order to unite with Christ.
Christ expects from us our whole soul, not just small efforts. If we wish to become like Christ, we must dwell in Him with all our heart, soul, and mind. Only when God permanently dwells in our hearts will the egoistic bleeding of our soul cease, and we will be reborn from the grace of the Holy Spirit.
