Why we must forgive our enemies

At the end of April, an interview was published on the YouTube channel “Apostrophe TV” with the head of the Orthodox Church of Ukraine (OCU), Serhiy (Epifaniy) Dumenko. In this interview, he was unable to respond directly to the question posed by the journalist: Is it possible to forgive the enemy?

Journalist: “What did you feel when you saw Russian – or rather, Orthodox – priests blessing weapons, effectively sanctifying the killing of Ukrainians? And in general, is it possible to forgive our enemy in the future?”

Serhiy (Epifaniy) Dumenko: “This was no surprise to us. We have spoken about this before. The Ukrainian Church has been fighting for over 30 years – we have been engaged in a continuous struggle. <…> We see that the Russian Church, which exists in Ukraine, has actively joined in Putin’s war against Ukraine.”

The entirety of his response focused on accusations that the UOC promotes the ideology of the “Russian world” and the narratives of Putin. Yet the journalist did not relent and repeated her question.

Journalist: “But again, can we speak about forgiving our enemy – even if in the distant future?”

Dumenko: “We are Christians, and perhaps for our generation it is a difficult process, because we see what is really happening – civilians are dying every day, innocent children are being killed.”

He continued to speak of civilian deaths and Russia’s alleged intent to destroy Ukraine. But he never actually answered the question that was put to him directly.

Demand for peace and forgiveness

The very fact that the question of forgiving enemies – specifically, Russians – was raised in this interview is already noteworthy. In religious matters, “Apostrophe TV” consistently takes a pro-OCU stance and has been a persistent critic of the UOC. The journalist was certainly aware that such a question would place Dumenko in a highly uncomfortable position. He cannot openly say that Russians ought to be forgiven, as that would contradict all the pseudo-patriotic narratives propagated by the OCU. On the other hand, he cannot declare that enemies should not be forgiven, for the Gospel speaks plainly to the contrary.

Thus, whether consciously or unconsciously, the journalist posed the question to a man she sees as a church representative – expecting (again, perhaps unconsciously) an answer in accord with Christ’s teaching.

This means that even within the audience of “Apostrophe TV,” there is still a deep-seated longing for reconciliation and forgiveness. God created man for life, not for death. It is natural for man to live, to raise children, to build homes, to plant trees. To die and to kill – these are unnatural. The desire for life, peace, and forgiveness cannot be entirely silenced. And this longing cannot be fulfilled by Epifaniy Dumenko, nor by the representatives of any other religious body that calls for “war until victory,” with all the inevitable casualties and destruction that entails.

“Whoever is ashamed of My words…”

Epifaniy Dumenko refused to answer the journalist’s direct question, which she asked not once, but twice. And yet, as a religious leader, he certainly knew the answer. Christ Himself spoke of it repeatedly:

• “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you” (Matt. 5:44);
• “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matt. 6:14–15);“But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you, bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you” (Luke 6:27–28);
• “But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for He is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil” (Luke 6:35).

And yet Dumenko did not dare to even quote these words. As the head of an organization that calls itself Christian, he was duty-bound to do so. But he did not.

Here is yet another example of people who cannot go the full distance. In August 2023, a scandal erupted over the words of a priest of the Greek Catholic Church in Uzhhorod, Fr. Roman Kurakh, who preached about the necessity of forgiveness and reconciliation. “That these two peoples might not destroy and kill one another, but rather that these two beautiful peoples might build the Kingdom of Heaven here on earth, and one day enter into heaven together, embracing one another and glorifying the Lord unto the ages,” said Kurakh.

These words, which fully correspond with the Gospel, enraged certain so-called “patriots,” who burst into the church and demanded an explanation from the Greek Catholic priest. Fr. Kurakh affirmed that he spoke not his own opinion, but Christ’s:

Question: “Do you bless our enemies?”
Answer: “I bless them – that is what Jesus said.”
And he added: “Jesus said, ‘Bless your enemies.’ Do you want me to say that it’s permissible to kill people? I will not say that to you.”

All of this was, indeed, Christian and evangelical. But shortly thereafter, Fr. Kurakh was viciously attacked – both by laity and even by clergy. The syncellus for monastic affairs of the UGCC’s Lviv Archeparchy, Fr. Justin Boiko, called him a “traitor and agent of the ‘Russian world.’” Religious scholar and head of “Athos Heritage” Serhii Shumylo called him “scum.” The words of “ordinary” Ukrainians are unfit even to be quoted. In the end, Fr. Kurakh chose to step back and issued an apology: “I apologize for yesterday’s blunder.”

We do not condemn him in any way. But we must remember the words of Christ: “Whosoever shall be ashamed of Me and of My words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him also shall the Son of Man be ashamed, when He cometh in the glory of His Father with the holy angels” (Mark 8:38).

Is forgiveness difficult?

Before the beginning of Great Lent, on Forgiveness Sunday, we have the beautiful tradition of asking forgiveness from one another. We fulfill this tradition gladly, for it is easy to ask forgiveness from those we have not deeply wronged, and to forgive those who have not wronged us grievously. But what about when we must forgive someone who has taken from us what is most precious – our families, our children, our loved ones? Someone who launched the missile that destroyed your home, who killed your relatives?

Is it possible to forgive such a person – your enemy?

In truth, only the one who has themselves forgiven a great evil has the moral authority to call others to forgiveness. And the most powerful call to forgiveness comes from Christ Himself, who forgave the soldiers who crucified Him and prayed to the Father for their absolution: “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34).

Likewise did the holy Protomartyr Archdeacon Stephen, who, as he was being stoned for preaching Christ, prayed: “Lord, lay not this sin to their charge” (Acts 7:60).

St. John Chrysostom, who was twice exiled from the see of Constantinople on false charges and died in banishment under inhumane conditions, once said: “Nothing so becomes a soul devoted to piety as to be free from malice and to forgive one’s enemies. This belongs to a soul great, free, and heavenly.”

Abba Dorotheus, who endured great suffering from some of the brethren – even to the point where one urinated on him each night – wrote in his teachings: “If someone wrongs you, hold no grudge; repay not evil with evil, but rather be ready to help him and pray that the Lord may enlighten his understanding.”

There are countless examples of such forgiveness in the lives of the saints. But even in our own time, there are witnesses to the power of grace over hatred.

In 2019, in Dallas, Texas, police officer Amber Guyger shot and killed her neighbor Botham Jean. During the trial, Jean’s brother, Brandt Jean, addressed the court and said: “If you truly are sorry, I forgive you… I love you as a person, and I don’t wish anything bad upon you.” Then he embraced her, and the two wept in each other’s arms.

During World War II, Corrie ten Boom of the Netherlands and her family hid Jews from the Holocaust. They were arrested by the Nazis and sent to Ravensbrück concentration camp, where Corrie’s sister died under horrific conditions. Corrie survived. In 1947, she unexpectedly met one of her former tormentors. He did not recognize her, but she recognized him. He told her he had become a Christian and asked her for forgiveness.

What followed is described in Simon Wiesenthal’s book “The Sunflower: On the Possibilities and Limits of Forgiveness.” Corrie ten Boom writes:

“And then I saw him – pushing his way forward through the crowd heading for the exit. Instantly, I recognized the gray overcoat and the brown felt hat – and in the next moment, the blue uniform and the visor cap with the skull and crossbones.

It all came back to me with shocking force – the huge room with harsh overhead lights, the pathetic pile of dresses and shoes in the center of the floor, the shame of walking naked past this man. I could see before me the fragile figure of my sister, her ribs protruding beneath her skin. This man had been a guard at Ravensbrück, the concentration camp to which we were sent. And now he stood before me.

‘I have become a Christian,’ he said. ‘I know that God has forgiven me for the cruel things I did there – but I would like to hear it from your lips as well. Fraulein – will you forgive me?’

And I stood there – I, whose sins needed to be forgiven every day – and I could not. Betsie had died in that place – could he simply erase her slow, terrible death from my memory just by asking forgiveness?

The few seconds he stood there with outstretched hand seemed like hours to me – as I wrestled with the most difficult thing I had ever had to do.

Because I had to do it – I knew that. The message that God forgives has a prior condition – that we forgive those who have harmed us. ‘If you do not forgive others their trespasses,’ Jesus says, ‘neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.’

I knew this not only as a commandment of God – but as a daily experience. Since the end of the war, I had kept a home in Holland for victims of Nazi brutality.

Those who were able to forgive their former enemies were able to return to the outside world and rebuild their lives – despite their physical wounds. Those who held on to their bitterness remained invalids. It was that simple – and that dreadful.

And still I stood there – coldness clutching my heart. But forgiveness is not an emotion – I knew that too. Forgiveness is an act of the will – and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.

‘Jesus, help me!’ I prayed silently. ‘I can lift my hand. I can do that much. But You must supply the feeling.’

And so, woodenly, mechanically, I reached out and placed my hand into the one stretched out to me. And as I did – an incredible thing took place. A current started in my shoulder, raced down my arm, and sprang into our joined hands. And then this healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being – bringing tears to my eyes.

‘I forgive you, brother!’ I cried – ‘With all my heart!’

For a long moment we clasped each other’s hands – the former guard and the former prisoner. I had never known God’s love so intensely as I did then.”

Postscript: What is the alternative?

Corrie’s words, spoken as one who endured the full horror of war and the camps, deserve our full trust. Her testimony is precious because it is true – and terrifying. She testified what happens to those who find the strength to forgive, and what happens to those who cannot and who remain locked in hatred and the thirst for revenge.

Let us repeat her words:

“Those who were able to forgive their former enemies were able to return to the outside world and rebuild their lives, no matter what the physical scars. Those who nursed their bitterness remained invalids. It was as simple and as horrible as that.”

This is the terrifying alternative to forgiveness: “Those who nursed their bitterness remained invalids.” Those who preach hatred, rage, and unforgiveness doom themselves and others to remain permanently wounded – to be forever unable to live a full life, to rejoice, to give thanks to God, to find happiness.

Unforgiveness condemns nations to endless war – war that may last for decades, claiming ever more lives, turning children into orphans, destroying homes and families. Only forgiveness of one’s enemies can establish peace—in a nation, and in every human soul.

Let us not be ashamed of the words of Christ. Let us proclaim them boldly, whenever the moment demands:

“Forgive, and you shall be forgiven…” (Luke 6:37).
“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14–15).